User blog:Dark Cyan/Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature 5: Lewis Carroll vs Roald Dahl
Hello, everyone. And welcome back to Cyan's Rap Battles of Literature! I did it again! With Drakan's help I hit top blogs for the second time this month! (Thanks, buddy :D) Maybe that's why I had difficulty writing this one. It's back to plain old me writing raps by myself. I need to stop writing these things the day before they come out. It's not good practice. Anyway, this battle bits Lewis Carroll, the author of 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland', against Roald Dahl, author of a great many children's books including 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory', 'Matilda', and 'The Witches'. Enjoy! Beat: Funny 'The Battle' 'Lewis Carroll' (starts at 0:16) We're both mad here, so let me help out the lesser writer. Take a peek Through the Looking Glass, and note what you found; A gross, violent mind that forgot it's writing for minors! Will you, won't you, will you, won't you put that pen down? Writing of Chokeys, Mouse-people and other nightmare fuel. Your main characters often have parents who are injured or dead. And you sell these books to kids? Man, that's just cruel! For these crimes, here's the sentence; Off with your head! 'Roald Dahl' (starts at 0:39) You wrote Alice as nothing but a protest to abstract Mathematics? Maybe that's why your dialouge reads like Amateur Dramatics. Funny, you defending kids when you liked them a bit too much. I'm surprised little Beatrice Hatch never screamed 'Bad Touch!' You're the only one here who's mad, so here's some Marvellous Medicine A BFG that spells Doom coming from an RAF Veteran But this isn't a dogfight, bitch! I'm the Champion of the World! You're just a geeky freak who paints naked little girls. 'Lewis Carroll' (starts at 1:02) Eat me, you Twit! Why not practice what you preach? Was there something else on your mind when you wrote about a Giant Peach? Or a massive Chocolate Factory? Curiouser and curiouser. Your wild accusations don't hold against the repressed urges I've uncovered. "A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men" Except for your books, which get ignored by kids older than ten. Mine still get acclaim from professional critics like the high art they are. So Esio Trot out of here, Dahl, and take your Snark. 'Roald Dahl' (starts at 1:25) High art? Please take your head out your own Rabbit Hole. This isn't Wonderland. This is Real Life. Not that you'd know. You were in a dreamworld from the start if you thought you could triumph. Even you name isn't real. Dude, you belong in an asylum. I'm not going to ask what drugs you took, because there's no way of knowing. My renown will keep on growing and it shows no signs of slowing. Your poetry means dick once you see my sweet raps flowing. The Welsh Dragon has crushed this Rabbit, and I know where your soul is going. 'Poll' WHO WON? Lewis Carroll Roald Dahl 'Hint For The Next Battle:' Category:Blog posts